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Letter to Dan Fischer from His Daughter

2008-09-06 13:33:06

 

Dear Dad,           
                Last time we spoke I told you, “I love you.” I still do to this day; love never dies. However, I have watched you carefully through the years, in the media mostly. Sometimes little things have come my way through others. I’ve heard of your Lost Boys organization, etc. I’ve witnessed your direct attacks on Warren Jeffs. You have gathered other anti-FLDS people around you to help you in your work of stamping us out. I wonder why you persecute us, why you use your money and influence to excite people against us. Apparently you have decided that your work is so great that you will stop at nothing in order to accomplish it. Lie after lie you have told. Where is your integrity? My heart has bled for you, but your actions have been dishonorable. Do you consider that your cause is so great that you and those around you are justified in using dishonest tactics to achieve it?
                I am sure you would have everyone believe that I am no better than a brainless twit. You have made insinuations that I and others have been told to fabricate things against you. Reality: considering what I know about you, I would have been shocked if you had admitted the truth. But trying to imply that you did the things you did because that is the way the FLDS believe and teach was very low and cowardly. Are you trying to hide your own wrongs behind a smokescreen? As far back as I can remember, you never lived the FLDS lifestyle.   
There were countless teachings given on how to raise children that you apparently did not listen to or study about. I remember that you had a set of the Journal of Discourses in your home. Did you not read them? Did you not listen in meeting during the time that you claimed you were still a member? Here are a few teachings to refresh your memory:
                “Solomon said, ‘He that spareth his rod hateth his son,’ but instead of using the rod, I will teach my children by example and by precept. I will teach them every opportunity I have to cherish faith, to exercise patience, to be full of long-suffering and kindness. It is not by the whip or the rod that we can make obedient children; but it is by faith and by prayer, and by setting a good example before them.”(Brigham Young, JD 11:117, June and July 1865)
                “Bring up your children in the love and fear of the Lord; study their dispositions and their temperaments, and deal with them accordingly, never allowing yourself to correct them in the heat of passion; teach them to love you rather than fear you.” (Brigham Young, JD 19:221-222, April 22, 1877)
                “I told one man that came to me for help in straightening out his family quarrels: ‘The only thing that is the matter in your family is that you do not give it a second thought before you allow yourself to fly to pieces. You can’t allow yourself to fly to pieces and expect peace in the family. You have got to rule with perfect peace in the family. You have got to rule with perfect kindness, and then you will have peace and you can overcome the trials you have.’” (Leroy S. Johnson Sermons 4:1315)
                “There can be no beatings of children and of wives, and nothing of the sort. But if we reprove and correct by the Holy Ghost, then we afterwards show forth love toward him whom we have reproved.” (Rulon Jeffs, SLC, May 4, 1980)
                Never will you find it documented that the FLDS men are taught to be abusive to their wives or children. I live this religion. I study it! I have my own brain, and I am encouraged to use it. I wrote my affidavit and I told the truth! It was no easy task to share my experiences, but I did it because it was the truth, and the Senate Judiciary Committee and everyone else have the right to know what kind of man they are listening to. The Savior said, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone...” Do you believe you are without sin enough that you can continually cast stones at us? You told the Judiciary Committee that it is the children you are trying to help. I know how you help children, and it is not through love. I don’t believe that you are a different man today then you were 15 or 20 years ago. You were not living the FLDS religion 20 or even 25 years ago. You were living the life of a hypocrite.
                True FLDS men unconditionally love all their children the same. They never hit a woman; never use force in any way, whether it is with a little child, a teenager, or a wife; do no use profanity; do not allow pornography in their homes or in their lives; do not insult women verbally, in public or in private; do not let their wives dictate their personal lives; do not lust after women, especially after those they are not married to; do not lose their temper; do not lie. We do not lie or teach our children to lie. We may stand on the fifth or remain silent, but we do not lie. Just because you and your ex-FLDS pawns do, does not mean that everyone else does.
                The affidavits submitted painted a true picture; you could have been placed behind bars. You claim that the reason you left the FLDS was to get away from this abusive lifestyle. I claim that I have chosen to stay with the FLDS lifestyle because it is kind, loving and gentle—a far scream from the lifestyle I grew up in.
              I am grateful to live in a religion where wrongs are not condoned. I wonder why my mothers allowed you to do the things you did to them. Were they scared of you to the point where they dared not talk out against you? I wish they had gone to their religious leader and told him the wrongs you were doing to them. If they had done so, I promise you he would not have condoned your behavior. It is hard for me to understand how a man could be so immoral himself and then turn around and treat me and the other children the way you did. I saw your pornography books; how could you be such a hypocrite to me! I honestly thought that I was a low, disgusting person, and yet that is what you were. I truly believe that you are judging us today from the perspective of your own wrongs and perverted desires.
                I had a non-FLDS man describe you as an extremist—extreme in your work, extreme in your love, extreme in your giving, extreme in your anger, and extreme in your hate. I believe that he was right. You seldom did anything in moderation. It was almost always to the extreme. In your extreme hatred against Warren Jeffs, you have driven and persecuted us, his people, to the bitter end. You condone the harm done to hundreds of innocent families and children. In fact, you have added to it by putting together the de-programming process that Carolyn Jessop and others were about to commence on some of those children. How could you?
                I know you are directly connected to what has and is happening in Texas. You can share the blame as well as anybody. I love those people; they are good people. Those mothers are excellent mothers. I pray I can be half as good a mother as they are. It is wrong to treat us as animals that you can kick around. Now don’t open your eyes wide and plead innocent to everyone else. If you weren’t a part of that, you would have tried to stop it. Anyone that knows you would know that. You went down there in April and heard what you wanted to hear. And because you hate Uncle Warren so much, you let hundreds of women and children suffer barbarically. So what if you think the way we live is “goofy”? Many people live goofy lives and are left in peace.
                Dad, I think it fair to mention here that you and your ex-FLDS company are the attackers. We are merely defending ourselves. I do not enjoy this. I love my brothers and sisters and do not wish to cause them more embarrassment. I hope they understand that I need you clear out of my life. I have forgiven you, and I could believe that you are a better person now than you used to be if it weren’t for the fact that you continue to lie and slander us. There is no doubt that we are not perfect. Are you?  
You keep yelling that we are a cult, that we will do anything we are asked to do by our leaders. Insinuating that we would do what? Commit mass suicide or something? We believe in life. Our leaders have said, “Don’t die for your religion; live for it.”
                You made mention of Hubert Humphrey saying, “You can measure the quality of a society by the level of importance they put on protecting their most vulnerable citizens. No Americans are more vulnerable and more precious than our children.” I believe that to be true. And I am proud to say that I am a part of the FLDS community, where the greatest importance is placed on protecting our most vulnerable citizens.
                You claim that we are a system that kicks out its young men to lessen the competition for brides. My brother Erwin confided in me that he often went to Rulon Jeffs and literally cried his eyes out in discouragement over the conditions in your home. Uncle Rulon would always comfort him and encourage him to continue on and would explain to him that that was not the way it had to be in this work. I have personally spoken to the mother of a wayward boy, who said that Uncle Warren called her son several times, sometimes as late as ten o’clock at night, encouraging him to remain in our society, telling him that he wanted him here, that he was loved, and that he could make it.
                Why do you only help the boys that will give you a statement against Warren Jeffs and their fathers? Why do you entice them to lie by offering them a college education, iPods, leather jackets, room and board, etc.? Doesn’t the fact that you only help these boys show that you are using them for your own selfish agenda? There are many boys out there that need help, even some of your own. Why don’t you put your time and effort into loving the family you have around you?  I know they need you. Let go of your bitterness and stop persecuting us. It is wrong. 
                I would like to clear up a few issues regarding your response to the press. It is clear to me that you base your response off what has been said in the newspaper, not in the affidavits. The papers misquoted some things, thus making it easier for you to say it was all a lie. Also, of course, you knew that most people wouldn’t go beyond the newspaper accounts and read the affidavits themselves.
                In the first place, Marcia never said you refused to help support her two children. She said that she never received any financial help from you. She did not want your help because then she would have to give in to some of your demands. She did not want you to take her children because she knew they would not be treated right. It’s no secret that Leenie was glad that those children were gone. I believe it was a relief to both of you. However, you did cash $24,800 in checks that were in Alma’s name, making it so that they could not receive medical help from the state. Did you then claim this as a deduction on your income tax? You also set up trust funds for both children, money they never received. Did you feel that because they are a part of the FLDS lifestyle that they would not need the money anymore and that Leenie’s children would? Again you prejudge us.
                Next, I never used the term “wife beater”; I simply stated the facts. You struck one of your wives many times, and she often stayed in her room for a week on account of a black eye that she received from you. Once I saw her on the floor with you holding her arms behind her back. She yelled out in pain as you tightened your grip on her. If a reporter or someone else sees you as a wife beater, they certainly have a right to say so. I believe it is wrong for a man to hit or hurt a woman regardless of what she does.
                Finally, in relation to the way you punished little children, I told the truth exactly as I remembered it. No affidavit ever said it was done in public church. That was a misinterpretation made by the media. I am sure that you read all of the affidavits. You know that no one said it was done in church. It happened in a home Sunday school. Sunday school is a meeting held in a man’s own home, where he presides and teaches his own family. It is not a public meeting, though, at times, we would have some other relatives there, and they also witnessed this same behavior. Not everyone’s affidavit is on Truth Will Prevail. Also, I would like to mention that this type of punishment was not used only on Sunday but whenever you felt it necessary. You say that corporal punishment was not unusual in and out of the FLDS culture in the 1970s. You didn’t just use excessive corporal punishment in the 1970s, but in the 1980s and in the 1990s.
                I attribute many of the actions in Texas to the hatred that has been generated by anti-FLDS extremists. If it was not for the false accusations that have been heaped upon us by you and others, would we be dealing with the same level of bias and prejudice against an innocent people? At present, we are so ridiculed and degraded that we cannot get a fair trial in Texas, in Utah, or anywhere else. We are a persecuted people, thanks to you. Just the other day I was walking into Wal-Mart with my daughter when a woman across the aisle noticed us and started screaming vulgarities at the top of her voice. I found myself walking with my eyes down and shoulders humped in an effort to attract as little attention as possible. It made me think of the African Americans, the Jews, and others who are persecuted because they are different. It has become hard to hold our heads high, and yet I feel to hold my head high. I am proud of who I am. I know that we are a good people and that we are continually striving for knowledge and personal growth. We are not repressed. We have the world at our fingertips. And I have chosen to give my children the best of what it has to offer by choosing the FLDS lifestyle.
                Remember when you invited all of your married children to dinner in Park City. You arranged the table so that Jim and I sat by you and the other children sat at another table. It was at a time when I was seeing a nurse practitioner for help with problems that were persisting as a result of the abuse I had suffered as a child. I had been asking some of the other children about the abuse that they had also suffered from you. I didn’t know that you knew I was asking until after this dinner, when you told me that you would give me a million dollars if it would change what you had done to me in the past. I do not want the money. I want a life free of persecution for myself, for the people that I love, and for my Prophet. You could help give me this, but will you?
 
                                                                               With all sincerity,

                                                                                                Melinda Fischer Jeffs


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